How Has Marriage Equality Affected Your Relationship?

Of course with our newly found ability to get married, Ben has broached the idea of pushing up our wedding date. (He sent me a text AND an email as soon as he got word Cook County had to immediately issue marriage licenses.)

The robot side of me responded by saying we shouldn’t change anything because:

  1. we have several logistical things to do before we get married (like getting a prenup)
  2. our family won’t be here
  3. we will pay almost $1000 more in the tax because of the marriage penalty (I know, I know…but it’s true!)

In my eyes, marriage equality is about the ability to get married if you want; it doesn’t require you to do so just because you can. (You may remember a great NY Times article from a couple of months ago discussing the same issue.)

I’m not saying I don’t want to marry him. In fact, I obviously feel the opposite.  I just don’t think the new accessible right needs to dictate how and when we celebrate.

Ben argues that we should get it done because we can, and we need to show that people will take advantage of their new rights if given the chance. He’s also afraid that given the history in states like California, Hawaii, and Utah, where marriage rights were given and then taken away, that he may never get to marry me.

I definitely think Ben overestimates the risk of waiting to get married, but it does bring up an interesting philosophical dilemma: how should you react when faced with such an important culture shift?

This past weekend, we hung out with one of our friends – a straight, unmarried male in a long-term, committed relationship – who says if he were in our shoes he would get married right away because he was denied the ability to do so for so long. Yet he’s not in a hurry to do so in his current situation because it seems more counter-culture not to.

You’ve heard Ben’s and my arguments. What do you think? Do you feel compelled to get married because you can? Would you speed up the process if you were in our shoes? How has marriage equality affected your relationship?